


Alien on the Earth

by ChibiPanda



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29913168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiPanda/pseuds/ChibiPanda
Summary: Jisung always knew he was a bit different, he always knew that some people would never understand, and he wasn't really sure he wanted to explain himself. But, he always showed Hyunjin his songs - and maybe, just maybe, he wasn't alone anymore.'No matter how many times he shared his work, Jisung always knew there would be people who didn’t like it or thought it was garbage. He was okay with that mostly, but if one of his brothers - his family - thought that way. If Hyunjin ever thought one of the songs was horrid. Jisung could almost feel the unease that moment would bring. '
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Alien on the Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Been thinking about this one for a while. Please enjoy!!

Jisung had always known he was a bit different. Everyone was their own person, but he never really fit in. Growing up, it used to really tear at him. Eating away at his core, slowly destroying him bit by bit. He hid it as best he could from his family; they didn’t understand the problem anyway. If he’d shared it with them, they’d probably brush it off or say he was being dramatic. And maybe he was, but it didn’t fix the isolation he existed in then. How he’d cry as silently as he could each night swallowed up by his loneliness. How he’d wish someone would notice without him speaking. Even the few friends he had, weren’t real friends. He’d known that then, but as he grew Jisung realized how alone he was.

Those _friends_ never understood him. Blamed him for things he had no control over. Made fun of his anxiety - then undiagnosed which only added onto the symptoms and increased the frequency of his attacks - his weight, his face, his height, his voice, his dreams. _You’re weird,_ they’d said, _no one’s ever gonna understand you._ He’d thought it had been friendly, but eventually, he saw it for what it was.

There had been no escape. It continued for years until he’d finally convinced his parents to let him travel to Korea. Maybe that was why Jisung was so focused on coming off in control originally.

He trusted Chan - mostly - but being perfect was a better solution. Chan might fight for him, or with him, but being perfect meant no one could pick at everything he did. Being perfect meant no one could say anything bad about him. Being perfect meant he’d fit in; be accepted.

He wasn’t perfect. Jisung had thought he was, but then he met Changbin and had a reality check.

He never shared with them his feelings of isolation or loneliness. Not intentionally. And eventually, Jisung was confident; he thought those feelings might no longer matter.

_“Dance better!”_

It was silly to be so damaged by such a little thing. To be hurt by a person who was simply firing back - someone Jisung admired really. Wished to be a true friend.

But it had opened old wounds. Bled new scars. Shattered the fragile walls he’d constructed.

Hyunjin and Jisung got over it. Reconciled. Even became legitimately best friends. True friends, just as he’d desired.

But Jisung never told Hyunjin why the remarks had bothered him so much. Never shared the depths of those feelings.

Eventually, through Chan and Changbin’s coaxing, Jisung did tell all the members about his anxiety. About how sometimes being in a room with people, especially people he didn’t know, made his entire body want to die and his mind race. How sometimes the mere thought of those situations set him into a downward spiral of panic and utter fear. He told them almost everything.

But he was careful to never paint the whole picture. It was pathetic, he believed, to feel so alien within the world.

Jisung had never intended on revealing exactly how much Stray Kids had meant to him - never expressing how much Chan had saved him, how Minho’s existence comforted him, how Changbin grounded him, how Hyunjin brought light to him, how it was Felix who made him whole, how Seungmin was his solace, or how Jeongin allowed him to smile.

Certainly, Jisung never intended to share how alienated he’d felt throughout his life before them.

But that was how Jisung wrote lyrics. Something would pop up in his head and a song would be written. He had dozens. Some complete, others simply words on a page; notes on his phone; thoughts in his head.

Jisung knocked hesitantly on the door to the smallest practice room. He normally wouldn’t be so cautious, but something about the song he’d just written filled him with uncomfortable anticipation. There were only two people he took new songs to. He’d go to Chan, for help making the rhythm, to ask about production, and to get feedback. But Chan never gave him bad feedback. His leader claimed that was because Jisung’s songs were always great, that they never needed much work, but that explanation never sat well.

He’d also go to Hyunjin.

In a way, Jisung thought Hyunjin’s opinion was more important; more impactful. Perhaps because the dancer would be _more_ honest. Or maybe it was because Jisung would never _dance better,_ and this was a thing he could make Hyunjin proud of. Either way, he always felt anticipation when taking a track to Hyunjin, excitement mostly.

“Come in!”

The shout startled Jisung enough to cause him to fumble with his bag and clumsily bump into the doorknob. It took a few seconds for him to regain his motor skills enough to enter the room.

“Hey Sungie,” Hyunjin called cheerfully, “why’d you knock? You never knock.”

“I, uh, wasn’t sure it was you in here or not,”

Hyunjin frowned for a beat, evaluating, “you alright? What has you so on edge?”

“I have a new song I’d like you to listen to,” Jisung deflected. He was good at deflecting, “it’s not finished yet. I still need Chan-hyung to help with the composition, but I recorded a basic version of it. If you aren’t too busy anyway.”

Hyunjin’s whole body softened, welcoming and warm, “I’m never too busy to listen to your stuff Sung. Let me hear it.”

Jisung did as he was asked and waited patiently, albeit uncomfortably, while Hyunjin listened to the song. No matter how many times he shared his work, Jisung always knew there would be people who didn’t like it or thought it was garbage. He was okay with that mostly, but if one of his brothers - his family - thought that way. If Hyunjin ever thought one of the songs was horrid. Jisung could almost feel the unease that moment would bring.

Jisung had still be lost deep inside himself when Hyunjin latched onto him, pulling him tightly into a hug. Muttering into Jisung’s hair, “that’s such a powerful song Sungie,” his voice sounded almost wet, “I’m...kinda speechless honestly. How can you be so talented?”

Jisung made some kind of noise. It wasn’t one of confirmation or questioning, it was something else entirely.

“I’m just glad you,” Hyunjin pulled back to get a better look, “I’m really glad you express your feelings.”

He sounded so thoughtful that Jisung felt seen in a way he hadn’t intended, “I’m glad you liked it,” the praise didn’t seem justified.

“I love everything you write. I’m,” Hyunjin pulled back more, moving to sit beside Jisung on the floor, “relieved honestly. I don’t know, maybe it’s silly but I worry sometimes.”

Jisung blinked owlishly once or twice, “what? About me? Why?”

Hyunjin was quiet for a few minutes, “You struggle silently, I guess. And I worry one day I won’t notice it and something will happen that I could have prevented. Like the anxiety, I caused you when we were trainees -“

“I was an ass then. You didn’t do anything; it was mostly my fault...”

Hyunjin gave a small smile, “but I lashed out rather than trying to understand.”

“There was nothing to understand though... I was being a little shit...”

“Maybe,”

“And I was insecure, and you became the target and it wasn’t fair,”

“I think there’s more to it than that,” Hyunjin said knowingly.

Jisung must have opened and closed his mouth a dozen times before finally speaking again, “I don’t like being hated.” He admitted quietly; Alien still played on repeat through the discarded earbuds in Hyunjin’s hands, “but I think being unseen is worse and, I guess, I thought you were replacing me somehow. I don’t know. It all sounds so stupid now...”

“I can’t speak for the past, but you’ll never be unseen by me. I like my Jisung bright and loud.”

Snickering Jisung leaned into Hyunjin’s side, “Felix is the sun in the group. Don’t think I can compete with his brightness.”

“You’re a different kind of bright Sungie. Not sure how to describe it, maybe like a nightlight or a star. Something that lights up the dark rather than making the day bright.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm,”

“Do you think the song is good enough?”

“Of course,” Hyunjin paused again before adding, “and so are you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much for reading. It means the world to me <3


End file.
